|I've searched for so many pictures, but haven't found any that really |
capture the essence of Sneed... but this picture will work for today.
I would like to introduce the world to my friend and locker neighbor, Sneed. He is what some would call "a character", some would call "creepy". I just call him "Sneed".
Let's hear what teachers have to day about Sneed!
"Sneed, the world you live in is immensely interesting."
"Beware: Sneed will find out where you live."
"Always suspect Sneed."
And yes, even the teachers call him by his last name. Almost everyone does. His mother named him Cody Sneed, but why let such a unique last name go to waste?
Today in our Intro to Spanish class, Senora Goldstein was getting annoyed by a fly buzzing around the room. According to her and several eyewitnesses, it had been inhabiting her classroom ever since zero-hour that morning and was persistent in her futile attempts to kill it. She couldn't catch it for the longest time, until it landed on Sneed's desk. (He sits all alone in the front and center of the room.)
When it landed on Sneed's desk, he grabbed his ten-pound government textbook and brought it down on the desk with a noise loud enough to interrupt the class. Senora Goldstein rejoiced at the death of her four-hour arch enemy. She ran to the back of the room to get a tissue, but Sneed had already picked it up between two fingers.
He was making a move toward the trashcan in the back of the room, until Evan uttered those immortal words that I think we'll all remember until the day we graduate.
We were repulsed and urged him not to... until we thought about it. How funny would it be if he actually did eat it! I don't know about my classmates, but I've never seen anyone eat a bug before, and it seemed interesting.
Soon we were all cheering him on, chanting.
"EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!"
He looked tempted, standing between Senora Goldstein and the trashcan. She was pleading with him, begging him not to do it, but she was barely audible over our laughter and chanting.
Then he did it.
He ate the fly.
Threw his head back, smiled, and let the black dot fall into his mouth.
We screamed, we laughed, we clapped.
He made retching noises, he grinned, he returned to his seat.
And class resumed. Senora Goldstein walked back to the front of the room, rubbing her forehead.
When the bell rang again, I found myself at my locker, grabbing my Biology book. I turned to my left and saw Sneed standing there. I asked him how he was feeling.
He responded by giving me a huge smile, and singing in the tune of that song we've all heard about an old lady, "There was a cool red-head who swallowed a fly. I don't know why he swallowed the fly."
And I replied, singing in feigned mourn, "Perhaps he'll die..."
I told him that they would make a musical about him one day.
He laughed and gave me the name of the Broadway hit that will one day make millions.
SNEED: The Musical!
And as he walked around school for the remainder of the day, he sang his song.